Please enjoy this repost that is based on a personal request. Marriages are being attacked more and more each and every day. In the next coming weeks I will be sharing perspectives on the roles we individually have been called to play in our marriages in hopes to possibly shed some light on some of the issues we may be facing in our homes and how to scripturally combat them. The overall goal is to hopefully cause husbands and wives to begin to dialog again and by the power of the Holy Spirit begin to heal their marriages.
What we know for sure is that satan always attacks marriages because he knows its the image of The Most High. If he attacks marriages and makes them weak, we will have a weak nation. Vice versa, strong marriages leads to a strong nation. Ephesians 5:22-33 is the foundation for all marriages, wives are to submit unto their husbands as unto the Lord, and husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Simple right? Well, the truth is, it reads easier than the actual ability to walk this walk…trust me, I know. I’ve been with my husband for eighteen years, and I’m still figuring this thing out. The funny thing about the whole situation is that when I think I’m submitting to my husband, he tells me I’m not, and when he feels he is loving me, that’s when I feel the least loved. This has made me realize that there is way much more to this whole marriage thing than we actually give it credit for. What makes grasping this concept so hard for both parties?…we’re about to find out.
To understand the situation we’re in, we need to start at the beginning with our father and mother, Adam and Eve. Genesis 3 tells us the story of the serpent and how man fell. In verse six, we see how satan uses desire, deception, visual lust, pride, curiosity and verbal persuasion to carry out his evil, and this was how our trouble started. These are the the tools of the devil that we need to steer clear of. Because Eve was unable to resist satan, she succumbed to the temptation, and did the one thing that she was told not to do…eat from the tree of life and death. By verse sixteen, The Most High is wroth with anger and reads them their rights by virtue of curses upon them. The woman will go through physical pain when bringing forth children, but she will also go through pain as she raises them up. This is evident today with missing children and kids being disobedient and running wild. Who typically shows up at the school when the child is behaving badly…yep, the mother! The curse continues with the desire of the woman being to her husband and her husband ruling over her. As you can see, the whole concept of the husband being the head of the woman started with conflict. The whole paradigm came out of a negative and sad to say, we are stuck in this position.
Let’s switch to the man. Verses seventeen through nineteen tells us that the ground is cursed for his sake. The significance of this to Adam was that he was to till the ground as a farmer for food. Fast forward to 2015, mans job is the tilling of the ground and how he ultimately gets paid to take care of his family, cursed is it! Through the sweat of his brow will he get his substance and anything he puts his hands on to take care of his family is now cursed. In modern day, this applies to jobs, opportunities, and business. The woman is rearing her children in pain, the man is tilling the ground to no avail, overall, there is anger and frustration all around.
What does this mean? The first thing a man and woman needs to recognize before they get married is that there are curses attached to it. Therefore, each party needs to be sympathetic to the other and understand the state we are in. These curses still stand causing women to be in a situation where she is married to a man who cannot provide for her or its difficult for him to provide due to the curse. The end result is resentment on both sides, she is resentful because he cannot provide, and he is resentful because he cannot provide for her. The man is constantly reminded while he is out fending for his family that he is cursed, and wants to come home and be the authority he feels he should at least be in his own home. This causes the man to overcompensate for his feelings while in the home because he wants to at least feel he is in charge of something.
In the Apocrypha, the book of Ecclesiasticus (or Sirach in some bibles) 25:16-20 and Proverbs 21:19, clearly we see there were marital issues even back then. How did the woman get this way, where she is being described as contentious and angry? To get a better understanding, let’s get some insight into how a woman is wired and the type of men she is attracted to. Typically, a woman without even realizing it, goes for the man that she feels needs fixing. An example of this would be the bad boy persona. The attraction here is the protection she feels she will get from him while she is fixing him, the whole time there is a lack of trust because neither truly understands the other’s true agenda. Therefore, the biggest problem in marriage becomes the issue of being able to properly coexist with the head of the wife structure, the whole time dealing with a lack of trust. The woman does not trust the man because she feels he is going to take advantage of his position. The man does not trust the woman because he feels she is not going to submit to his position. Therefore, we end up in a Mexican stand down and eventually something has to give. The man begins to feel he has to establish his authority in the home because he does not feel as if he is in control.
What is real interesting to understand is when a man and woman relationship begins, it unconsciously, but naturally takes on the position of a mother and a son. What do I mean by this? Well, women only know how to naturally express love from a mother to a child. This is all they know because they have not been taught any other way. So, when they express and fall in love with a man, the first thing they want to do is to take care of him…fix his shirt, tell him to pull up his pants, because that is the only way she knows how to express love. The man on the other hand who wants to be the boss of his home and does not feel like he needs any fixing, takes on the role of a rebellious son. Therefore, the whole atmosphere of the home becomes that of a son rebelling against his mother, and of a mother trying to fix her son. If this perception can be removed, then both parties can begin to settle down.
The way to remove this perception is to strategize independent of each other first on how to keep peace in the home, then together. Understanding these curses should also cause us to be more mindful of the undertones and how we relate with each other. We should be sympathetic towards one another. We also need to break down the wall of perception to allow each other to naturally be who we were created to be. Women, the best way to a mans heart is through his ego. Reverse psychology works in society and will work in marriage. It is our responsibility to create an environment where our husbands do not feel threatened. Men, allow your wives to grow in their greatness and don’t be afraid of losing your authority because you won’t . Satan is creating an environment that is anti-scripture and it is our duty together to ensure he does not destroy what we are building.
In closing, we need the fruit of the spirit in our marriages. Galatians 5:16,22 tells us we need love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance. We are not to provoke one another, neither are we to envy our spouses position. Women, we cannot envy our husbands position of authority. Men, you cannot, misuse your authority and more importantly, you need to become the man your wife will want to follow. Overall, lets all make the sacrifices needed to ensure our marriages work and build a strong nation!
Till next time, shalom and blessings.