The understanding of marriage and what it represents comes directly from the bible, believe it or not. Marriage is honorable and has always been about family, and the bible even teaches us what to look for when it comes to marrying the right person. Romans 1:20 “For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse” tells us that the image of everything we see here on earth was already in existence in heaven. Genesis 1:26-27 shows us that male and female were created in The Most High’s image, meaning the female was also part of God’s creation from the beginning and this feminine spirit is the Holy Spirit, who is a reflection of Him. So, it began with male and female, and then came the son…Christ. This is the image of the heavenly family which the father expects us to mold the earthly family after. Genesis 2:23 shows that a man must leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and go and establish his own independent family. The leaving of the man is expected to be before he gets a wife, so he becomes sure of himself and grows to become the natural leader of his family that he is expected to be. Hebrews 13:4 tells that overall, marriage is honorable and its the natural progression for procreation. The bible also tells us in Proverbs 18:22 that finding a wife is a very good thing, because the man obtains favor of the Lord, and avoids fornication and sinning against The Most High. Also, Proverbs 19:14 tells us that a wife that is prudent, wise, and diligent comes from the Lord. This is all cause for the man to give thanks to The Most High for the gift of his wife sent to him. 

Now, the goal is to determine how that wife that starts off as a good thing remains as such….this I admit is the challenge. A wife is a gift in many ways and God expects her to live up to her expected potential of being discreet, chaste, obedient to her husband, and a teacher to her children, according to Titus 2:3-5. The end goal of her honorable attitude is to avoid God’s name from being blasphemed. This tells us that a lot rides on the attitude and behavior of the wife! The behavior of the wife is to exhibit holiness at all times, not be a false accuser, neither is she to be a drunkard, but rather a teacher of good things. She is to teach her children and other young women within her sphere of influence. She is to be a keeper of the home, be obedient to her husband, love her children and teach them the ways of their father as he himself walks in the ways of The Most High. Proverbs 31:10-31 also describes how being a virtuous woman leads to trust from our husbands which causes them to bless us and ultimately, so will The Most High. A husband is blessed when he has a virtuous woman as his wife and this allows him to fulfil his life in peace. A woman that is silent and loving is also called a gift of The Most High so, controlling our tongue sometimes is actually beneficial, and an honor to our husbands. 

Society teaches us that we have the right to do whatever we want with our bodies, before and even after marriage. However, 1 Corinthians 7: 3-5 warns us that after marriage, neither the woman nor the man have any power over their own bodies any longer. As a matter of fact, we are urged to do our due benevolence and not defraud each other. The only exception is when there is consent between the two for fasting and prayer, and its only for a time. Another biggie is that we should not be considering divorce as a solution to any of the marital problems we may encounter. There can be separation for a while if needed (in extenuating circumstances), but then the wife is to return to her husband, otherwise she is to remain unmarried until some qualifying situation occurs. Such a situation could be the death of or the adulterous affair of the other spouse. One other extenuating situation is where either one of the spouses is an unbeliever of the truth, if they love each other and want to stay together, so be it. However, if either one of the spouses wants to leave due to this difference in doctrine, then The Most High will honor such. In this generation, divorce is very rampant and it seems like the system actually endorses it. We find that couples have divorce as a plan “B”always on their mind, but this is not the way The Most High commanded it to be. 

Outside of the home, as wives, there are some boundaries that also need to be kept. The scriptures commands that women not be teachers in the church setting and not to usurp her husband’s authority. According to Ezekiel 34:31, the flock of the Most Highs pasture are men. Husbands should be washing the wife with the word at home anyway, so if she has any questions she can ask him there. Of course this does not mean a woman should remain mute in the church, in decency and in order, she can ask whatever questions she needs to. Wives can absolutely teach, and some of the best teachers are women, but it cannot be in the church where other men are present and available. On the contrary, she can teach in a one on one setting, teach her children, other children or teach other women. Its this common usurping of the husbands authority that is causing a lot of the confusion and break up of a lot of homes in our society today. Since the husband is the head, the expected order should be that wives be in subjection to them as he also submits under Christ – Ephesians 5:22-33. As he continues to stand in obedience to Christ, the wife must also reverence her husband. As the man follows Christ, so the wife follows the man. Of course, for this to work seamlessly, there must be open communication between the husband and wife at all times, where they both listen to each other, share ideas, and together agree on ways to solve issues. Absolutely, yes the man is the head and at the end of the day it is his responsibility to ensure that the house runs properly. However, this does not give the husband the right to put his foot down on issues without talking it through with his wife. The man still needs to listen to her. The God we serve is a God of order, therefore there must be order in the home according to 1 Corinthians 11:3 – “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” If the husband cannot rule his house, how then can he be a leader elsewhere? As the husband follows and honors Christ, so the wife too will follow and honor her husband. In 1 Peter 3:1 we see that Sarah was in subjection to her husband, to the extent that she called him Lord. Its evident that Abraham was following the Most High, hence the reason why Sarah honored, respected and looked up to him. We are Sarah’s daughters! We must be in one accord with our spouses at all times so our prayers can be answered.

Finally, the lesson in all this is that both the husband and the wife have a huge role to play in ensuring that their marriage is intact and represents The Most High at all times. Sorry to break it to you brothers, but a majority of the burden of success lies on the husbands shoulders. He is the head, and as the head goes, so does the body. If the head is not under subjection to Christ and is completely out of order, well, so will the wife and children also be out of order. Generally speaking, there should not be any woman who would be trying to usurp the authority of her husband, as she sees him tirelessly serving The Most High God. Rather, she too will and should do all she can to ensure her husband has all that he needs, because she understands the benefits and blessings that come with having a home that is ordered by a husband who is under authority. 

Till the next time, shalom and blessings!

Nikki.